By
H. G. Wells
THE MACMILLAN COMPANY
1916
BOOK
I MATCHING'S EASY AT EASE
CHAPTER
THE FIRST MR. DIRECK VISITS MR. BRITLING
CHAPTER
THE SECOND MR. BRITLING CONTINUES HIS EXPOSITION
CHAPTER
THE THIRD THE ENTERTAINMENT OF MR. DIRECK REACHES A CLIMAX
CHAPTER
THE FOURTH MR. BRITLING IN SOLILOQUY
CHAPTER
THE FIFTH THE COMING OF THE DAY
BOOK
II MATCHING'S EASY AT WAR
CHAPTER
THE SECOND TAKING PART
CHAPTER
THE FOURTH IN THE WEB OF THE INEFFECTIVE
BOOK
III THE TESTAMENT OF MATCHING'S EASY
CHAPTER
THE FIRST MRS. TEDDY GOES FOR A WALK
CHAPTER
THE SECOND MR. BRITLING WRITES UNTIL SUNRISE
It
was the sixth day of Mr. Direck's first visit to
He
had promised himself this visit for many years, but being of a sunny rather
than energetic temperament—though he firmly believed himself to be a reservoir
of clear-sighted American energy—he had allowed all sorts of things, and more
particularly the uncertainties of Miss Mamie Nelson, to keep him back. But now
there were no more uncertainties about Miss Mamie Nelson, and Mr. Direck had
come over to
And
also, he wanted to see the old country from which his maternal grandmother had
sprung. Wasn't there even now in his bedroom in
Mr.
Direck was a type of man not uncommon in
In
Because all the time he had been coming over he had dreaded that it wasn't true, that England was a legend, that London would turn out to be just another thundering great New York, and the English exactly like New Englanders....
And
now here he was on the branch line of the little old Great Eastern Railway, on
his way to Matching's Easy in Essex, and he was suddenly in the heart of
Washington Irving's
Mr.
Britling's address was the Dower House, and it was, Mr. Britling's note had
explained, on the farther edge of the park at Claverings. Claverings! The very
name for some stately home of
And
yet this was only forty-two miles from
"Aye-ya!"
"Fussin' about thea."
"Mr. Robinson, 'e went to Lon', 'e did. That's 'ow 'e 'urt 'is fut."
Mr. Direck had learnt at the main-line junction that he had to tell the guard to stop the train for Matching's Easy; it only stopped "by request"; the thing was getting better and better; and when Mr. Direck seized his grip and got out of the train there was just one little old Essex station-master and porter and signalman and everything, holding a red flag in his hand and talking to Mr. Britling about the cultivation of the sweet peas which glorified the station. And there was the Mr. Britling who was the only item of business and the greatest expectation in Mr. Direck's European journey, and he was quite unlike the portraits Mr. Direck had seen and quite unmistakably Mr. Britling all the same, since there was nobody else upon the platform, and he was advancing with a gesture of welcome.
"Did you ever see such peas, Mr. Dick?" said Mr. Britling by way of introduction.
"My word," said Mr. Direck in a good old Farmer Hayseed kind of voice.
"Aye-ya!" said the station-master in singularly strident tones. "It be a rare year for sweet peas," and then he slammed the door of the carriage in a leisurely manner and did dismissive things with his flag, while the two gentlemen took stock, as people say, of one another.
Except
in the doubtful instance of Miss Mamie Nelson, Mr. Direck's habit was good
fortune. Pleasant things came to him. Such was his position as the salaried
secretary of this society of thoughtful
Too
busily occupied with practical realities to follow the thought of the age
through all its divagations and into all its recesses, these
And here they were shaking hands.
Mr.
Britling did not look at all as Mr. Direck had expected him to look. He had
expected an Englishman in a country costume of golfing tweeds, like the
Englishman in country costume one sees in American illustrated stories.
Drooping out of the country costume of golfing tweeds he had expected to see
the mildly unhappy face, pensive even to its drooping moustache, with which Mr.
Britling's publisher had for some faulty and unfortunate reason
familiarised the American public. Instead of this, Mr. Britling was in a
miscellaneous costume, and mildness was the last quality one could attribute to
him. His moustache, his hair, his eyebrows bristled; his flaming freckled face
seemed about to bristle too. His little hazel eyes came out with a
"ping" and looked at Mr. Direck. Mr. Britling was one of a large but
still remarkable class of people who seem at the mere approach of photography
to change their hair, their clothes, their moral
natures. No photographer had ever caught a hint of his essential Britlingness
and bristlingness. Only the camera could ever induce Mr. Britling to brush his
hair, and for the camera alone did he reserve that expression of submissive
martyrdom Mr. Direck knew. And Mr. Direck was altogether unprepared for a
certain casualness of costume that sometimes overtook Mr. Britling. He was
wearing now a very old blue flannel blazer, no hat, and a pair of
knickerbockers, not tweed breeches but tweed knickerbockers of a remarkable bagginess,
and made of one of those virtuous socialistic homespun tweeds that drag out
into woolly knots and strings wherever there is attrition. His stockings were
worsted and wrinkled, and on his feet were those extraordinary slippers of
bright-coloured bast-like interwoven material one buys in the north of
For
there can be no denying that Mr. Britling was, in a sense, distinguished. The
hero and subject of this novel was at its very
beginning a distinguished man. He was in the Who's Who of two
continents. In the last few years he had grown with some rapidity into a writer recognised and welcomed by the more cultivated sections of
the American public, and even known to a select circle of British readers. To
his American discoverers he had first appeared as an essayist, a serious
essayist who wrote about aesthetics and Oriental thought and national character
and poets and painting. He had come through America some years ago as one of
those Kahn scholars, those promising writers and intelligent men endowed by
Auguste Kahn of Paris, who go about the world nowadays in comfort and consideration
as the travelling guests of that original philanthropist—to acquire the
international spirit. Previously he had been a critic of art and literature and
a writer of thoughtful third leaders in the
His
was a naturally irritable mind, which gave him point and passion; and moreover
he had a certain obstinate originality and a generous disposition. So that he
was always lively, sometimes spacious, and never vile. He loved to write and
talk. He talked about everything, he had ideas about everything; he could no
more help having ideas about everything than a dog can resist smelling at your
heels. He sniffed at the heels of reality. Lots of people found him interesting
and stimulating, a few found him seriously exasperating. He had ideas in the
utmost profusion about races and empires and social order and political
institutions and gardens and automobiles and the future of
Mr. Direck had read a very great deal of all this expressed opiniativeness of Mr. Britling: he found it entertaining and stimulating stuff, and it was with genuine enthusiasm that he had come over to encounter the man himself. On his way across the Atlantic and during the intervening days, he had rehearsed this meeting in varying keys, but always on the supposition that Mr. Britling was a large, quiet, thoughtful sort of man, a man who would, as it were, sit in attentive rows like a public meeting and listen. So Mr. Direck had prepared quite a number of pleasant and attractive openings, and now he felt was the moment for some one of these various simple, memorable utterances. But in none of these forecasts had he reckoned with either the spontaneous activities of Mr. Britling or with the station-master of Matching's Easy. Oblivious of any conversational necessities between Mr. Direck and Mr. Britling, this official now took charge of Mr. Direck's grip-sack, and, falling into line with the two gentlemen as they walked towards the exit gate, resumed what was evidently an interrupted discourse upon sweet peas, originally addressed to Mr. Britling.
He was a small, elderly man with a determined-looking face and a sea voice, and it was clear he overestimated the distance of his hearers.
"Mr. Darling what's head gardener up at Claverings, 'e can't get sweet peas like that, try 'ow 'e will. Tried everything 'e 'as. Sand ballast, 'e's tried. Seeds same as me. 'E came along 'ere only the other day, 'e did, and 'e says to me, 'e says, 'darned 'f I can see why a station-master should beat a professional gardener at 'is own game,' 'e says, 'but you do. And in your orf time, too, so's to speak,' 'e says. 'I've tried sile,' 'e says——"
"Your
first visit to
"Absolutely," said Mr. Direck.
"I says to 'im, 'there's one thing you 'aven't tried,' I says," the station-master continued, raising his voice by a Herculean feat still higher.
"I've got a little car outside here," said Mr. Britling. "I'm a couple of miles from the station."
"I says to 'im, I says, ''ave you tried the vibritation of the trains?' I says. 'That's what you 'aven't tried, Mr. Darling. That's what you can't try,' I says. 'But you rest assured that that's the secret of my sweet peas,' I says, 'nothing less and nothing more than the vibritation of the trains.'"
Mr. Direck's mind was a little confused by the double nature of the conversation and by the fact that Mr. Britling spoke of a car when he meant an automobile. He handed his ticket mechanically to the station-master, who continued to repeat and endorse his anecdote at the top of his voice as Mr. Britling disposed himself and his guest in the automobile.
"You know you 'aven't 'urt that mud-guard, sir, not the slightest bit that matters," shouted the station-master. "I've been a looking at it—er. It's my fence that's suffered most. And that's only strained the post a lil' bit. Shall I put your bag in behind, sir?"
Mr. Direck assented, and then, after a momentary hesitation, rewarded the station-master's services.
"Ready?" asked Mr. Britling.
"That's all right sir," the station-master reverberated.
With a rather wide curve Mr. Britling steered his way out of the station into the highroad.
And now it seemed was the time for Mr. Direck to make his meditated speeches. But an unexpected complication was to defeat this intention. Mr. Direck perceived almost at once that Mr. Britling was probably driving an automobile for the first or second or at the extremest the third time in his life.
The thing became evident when he struggled to get into the high gear—an attempt that stopped the engine, and it was even more startlingly so when Mr. Britling narrowly missed a collision with a baker's cart at a corner. "I pressed the accelerator," he explained afterwards, "instead of the brake. One does at first. I missed him by less than a foot." The estimate was a generous one. And after that Mr. Direck became too anxious not to distract his host's thoughts to persist with his conversational openings. An attentive silence came upon both gentlemen that was broken presently by a sudden outcry from Mr. Britling and a great noise of tormented gears. "Damn!" cried Mr. Britling, and "How the devil?"
Mr. Direck perceived that his host was trying to turn the car into a very beautiful gateway, with gate-houses on either side. Then it was manifest that Mr. Britling had abandoned this idea, and then they came to a stop a dozen yards or so along the main road. "Missed it," said Mr. Britling, and took his hands off the steering wheel and blew stormily, and then whistled some bars of a fretful air, and became still.
"Do we go through these ancient gates?" asked Mr. Direck.
Mr. Britling looked over his right shoulder and considered problems of curvature and distance. "I think," he said, "I will go round outside the park. It will take us a little longer, but it will be simpler than backing and manoeuvring here now.... These electric starters are remarkably convenient things. Otherwise now I should have to get down and wind up the engine."
After that came a corner, the rounding of which seemed to present few difficulties until suddenly Mr. Britling cried out, "Eh! eh! EH! Oh, damn!"
Then the two gentlemen were sitting side by side in a rather sloping car that had ascended the bank and buried its nose in a hedge of dog-rose and honeysuckle, from which two missel thrushes, a blackbird and a number of sparrows had made a hurried escape....
"Perhaps," said Mr. Britling without assurance, and after a little peaceful pause, "I can reverse out of this."
He seemed to feel some explanation was due to Mr. Direck. "You see, at first—it's perfectly simple—one steers round a corner and then one doesn't put the wheels straight again, and so one keeps on going round—more than one meant to. It's the bicycle habit; the bicycle rights itself. One expects a car to do the same thing. It was my fault. The book explains all this question clearly, but just at the moment I forgot."
He reflected and experimented in a way that made the engine scold and fuss....
"You see, she won't budge for the reverse.... She's—embedded.... Do you mind getting out and turning the wheel back? Then if I reverse, perhaps we'll get a move on...."
Mr. Direck descended, and there were considerable efforts.
"If you'd just grip the spokes. Yes, so.... One, Two, Three!... No! Well, let's just sit here until somebody comes along to help us. Oh! Somebody will come all right. Won't you get up again?"
And after a reflective moment Mr. Direck resumed his seat beside Mr. Britling....
The two gentlemen smiled at each other to dispel any suspicion of discontent.
"My driving leaves something to be desired," said Mr. Britling with an air of frank impartiality. "But I have only just got this car for myself—after some years of hired cars—the sort of lazy arrangement where people supply car, driver, petrol, tyres, insurance and everything at so much a month. It bored me abominably. I can't imagine now how I stood it for so long. They sent me down a succession of compact, scornful boys who used to go fast when I wanted to go slow, and slow when I wanted to go fast, and who used to take every corner on the wrong side at top speed, and charge dogs and hens for the sport of it, and all sorts of things like that. They would not even let me choose my roads. I should have got myself a car long ago, and driven it, if it wasn't for that infernal business with a handle one had to do when the engine stopped. But here, you see, is a reasonably cheap car with an electric starter—American, I need scarcely say. And here I am—going at my own pace."
Mr. Direck glanced for a moment at the pretty disorder of the hedge in which they were embedded, and smiled and admitted that it was certainly much more agreeable.
Before he had finished saying as much Mr. Britling was talking again.
He had a quick and rather jerky way of speaking; he seemed to fire out a thought directly it came into his mind, and he seemed to have a loaded magazine of thoughts in his head. He spoke almost exactly twice as fast as Mr. Direck, clipping his words much more, using much compacter sentences, and generally cutting his corners, and this put Mr. Direck off his game.
That rapid attack while the transatlantic interlocutor is deploying is indeed a not infrequent defect of conversations between Englishmen and Americans. It is a source of many misunderstandings. The two conceptions of conversation differ fundamentally. The English are much less disposed to listen than the American; they have not quite the same sense of conversational give and take, and at first they are apt to reduce their visitors to the rôle of auditors wondering when their turn will begin. Their turn never does begin. Mr. Direck sat deeply in his slanting seat with a half face to his celebrated host and said "Yep" and "Sure" and "That is so," in the dry grave tones that he believed an Englishman would naturally expect him to use, realising this only very gradually.
Mr.
Britling, from his praise of the enterprise that had at last brought a car he
could drive within his reach, went on to that favourite topic of all
intelligent Englishmen, the adverse criticism of things
British. He pointed out that the central position of the brake and gear levers
in his automobile made it extremely easy for the American manufacturer to turn
it out either as a left-handed or a right-handed car, and so adapt
it either to the Continental or to the British rule of the road. No English
cars were so adaptable. We British suffered much from our insular rule of the
road, just as we suffered much from our insular weights and measures. But we
took a perverse pride in such disadvantages. The irruption of American cars
into
At this point Mr. Direck was moved by an anecdote. "It will help to illustrate what you are saying, Mr. Britling, about systematic organisation if I tell you a little incident that happened to a friend of mine in Toledo, where they are setting up a big plant with a view to capturing the entire American and European market in the class of the thousand-dollar car——"
"There's
no end of such little incidents," said Mr. Britling, cutting in without
apparent effort. "You see, we get it on both sides. Our manufacturer class
was, of course, originally an insurgent class. It was a class of distended
craftsmen. It had the craftsman's natural enterprise and natural radicalism. As
soon as it prospered and sent its boys to
Mr.
Direck had followed this cascade of remarks with a patient smile and a slowly
nodding head. "What you say," he said, "forms a very marked
contrast indeed with the sort of thing that goes on in
"Of
course," Mr. Britling burst out again, "even conservatism isn't an
ultimate thing. After all, we and your enterprising friend
at
"Exactly," said Mr. Direck. "My friend of whom I was telling you, was a man named Robinson, which indicates pretty clearly that he was of genuine English stock, and, if I may say so, quite of your build and complexion; racially, I should say, he was, well—very much what you are...."
This rally of Mr. Direck's mind was suddenly interrupted.
Mr. Britling stood up, and putting both hands to the sides of his mouth, shouted "Yi-ah! Aye-ya! Thea!" at unseen hearers.
After shouting again, several times, it became manifest that he had attracted the attention of two willing but deliberate labouring men. They emerged slowly, first as attentive heads, from the landscape. With their assistance the car was restored to the road again. Mr. Direck assisted manfully, and noted the respect that was given to Mr. Britling and the shillings that fell to the men, with an intelligent detachment. They touched their hats, they called Mr. Britling "Sir." They examined the car distantly but kindly. "Ain't 'urt 'e, not a bit 'e ain't, not really," said one encouragingly. And indeed except for a slight crumpling of the mud-guard and the detachment of the wire of one of the headlights the automobile was uninjured. Mr. Britling resumed his seat; Mr. Direck gravely and in silence got up beside him. They started with the usual convulsion, as though something had pricked the vehicle unexpectedly and shamefully behind. And from this point Mr. Britling, driving with meticulous care, got home without further mishap, excepting only that he scraped off some of the metal edge of his footboard against the gate-post of his very agreeable garden.
His family welcomed his safe return, visitor and all, with undisguised relief and admiration. A small boy appeared at the corner of the house, and then disappeared hastily again. "Daddy's got back all right at last," they heard him shouting to unseen hearers.
Mr. Direck, though he was a little incommoded by the suppression of his story about Robinson—for when he had begun a thing he liked to finish it—found Mr. Britling's household at once thoroughly British, quite un-American and a little difficult to follow. It had a quality that at first he could not define at all. Compared with anything he had ever seen in his life before it struck him as being—he found the word at last—sketchy. For instance, he was introduced to nobody except his hostess, and she was indicated to him by a mere wave of Mr. Britling's hand. "That's Edith," he said, and returned at once to his car to put it away. Mrs. Britling was a tall, freckled woman with pretty bright brown hair and preoccupied brown eyes. She welcomed him with a handshake, and then a wonderful English parlourmaid—she at least was according to expectations—took his grip-sack and guided him to his room. "Lunch, sir," she said, "is outside," and closed the door and left him to that and a towel-covered can of hot water.
It
was a square-looking old red-brick house he had come to, very handsome in a
simple Georgian fashion, with a broad lawn before it and great blue cedar
trees, and a drive that came frankly up to the front door and then went off
with Mr. Britling and the car round to unknown regions at the back. The centre
of the house was a big airy hall, oak-panelled, warmed in winter only by one
large fireplace and abounding in doors which he knew opened into the square
separate rooms that
"Why surely," said Mr. Direck.
"Well, I know some American," said the boy. "I learnt it."
"Tell me some," said Mr. Direck, smiling still more amiably.
"Oh! Well—God darn you! Ouch, Gee-whizz! Soak him, Maud! It's up to you, Duke...."
"Now where did you learn all that?" asked Mr. Direck recovering.
"Out of the Sunday Supplement," said the youthful Britling.
"Why! Then you know all about Buster Brown," said Mr. Direck. "He's Fine—eh?"
The Britling child hated Buster Brown. He regarded Buster Brown as a totally unnecessary infant. He detested the way he wore his hair and the peculiar cut of his knickerbockers and—him. He thought Buster Brown the one drop of paraffin in the otherwise delicious feast of the Sunday Supplement. But he was a diplomatic child.
"I think I like Happy Hooligan better," he said. "And dat ole Maud."
He reflected with joyful eyes, Buster clean forgotten. "Every week," he said, "she kicks some one."
It came to Mr. Direck as a very pleasant discovery that a British infant could find a common ground with the small people at home in these characteristically American jests. He had never dreamt that the fine wine of Maud and Buster could travel.
"Maud's a treat," said the youthful Britling, relapsing into his native tongue.
Mr. Britling appeared coming to meet them. He was now in a grey flannel suit—he must have jumped into it—and altogether very much tidier....
The
long narrow table under the big sycamores between the house and the adapted
barn that Mr. Direck learnt was used for "dancing and all that sort of
thing," was covered with a blue linen diaper cloth, and that too surprised
him. This was his first meal in a private household in
The
composition of the company was a matter for some perplexity to Mr. Direck. Mr.
and Mrs. Britling were at either end of the table, that
was plain enough. It was also fairly plain that the two barefooted boys were
little Britlings. But beyond this was a cloud of uncertainty. There was a youth
of perhaps seventeen, much darker than Britling but with nose and freckles
rather like his, who might be an early son or a stepson; he was shock-headed and with that look about his arms and legs that suggests
overnight growth; and there was an unmistakable young German, very pink, with
close-cropped fair hair, glasses and a panama hat, who was probably the tutor
of the younger boys. (Mr. Direck also was wearing his hat,
his mind had been filled with an exaggerated idea of the treacheries of the
English climate before he left
But in addition to these normal and understandable presences, there was an entirely mysterious pretty young woman in blue linen who sat and smiled next to Mr. Britling, and there was a rather kindred-looking girl with darker hair on the right of Mr. Direck who impressed him at the very outset as being still prettier, and—he didn't quite place her at first—somehow familiar to him; there was a large irrelevant middle-aged lady in black with a gold chain and a large nose, between Teddy and the tutor; there was a tall middle-aged man with an intelligent face, who might be a casual guest; there was an Indian young gentleman faultlessly dressed up to his brown soft linen collar and cuffs, and thereafter an uncontrolled outbreak of fine bronze modelling and abundant fuzzy hair; and there was a very erect and attentive baby of a year or less, sitting up in a perambulator and gesticulating cheerfully to everybody. This baby it was that most troubled the orderly mind of Mr. Direck. The research for its paternity made his conversation with Mrs. Britling almost as disconnected and absent-minded as her conversation with him. It almost certainly wasn't Mrs. Britling's. The girl next to him or the girl next to Mr. Britling or the lady in black might any of them be married, but if so where was the spouse? It seemed improbable that they would wheel out a foundling to lunch....
Realising at last that the problem of relationship must be
left to solve itself if he did not want to dissipate and consume his mind
entirely, Mr. Direck turned to his hostess, who was enjoying a brief lull in
her administrative duties, and told her what a memorable thing the meeting of
Mr. Britling in his own home would be in his life, and how very highly America
was coming to esteem Mr. Britling and his essays. He found that with a slight
change of person, one of his premeditated openings was entirely serviceable
here. And he went on to observe that it was novel and entertaining to find Mr.
Britling driving his own automobile and to note that it was an automobile of
American manufacture. In
At first Mrs. Britling had listened to Mr. Direck with an almost undivided attention, but as he had developed his opening the feast upon the blue linen table had passed on to a fresh phase that demanded more and more of her directive intelligence. The two little boys appeared suddenly at her elbows. "Shall we take the plates and get the strawberries, Mummy?" they asked simultaneously. Then one of the neat maids in the background had to be called up and instructed in undertones, and Mr. Direck saw that for the present Robinson's illuminating experience was not for her ears. A little baffled, but quite understanding how things were, he turned to his neighbour on his left....
The girl really had an extraordinarily pretty smile, and there was something in her soft bright brown eye—like the movement of some quick little bird. And—she was like somebody he knew! Indeed she was. She was quite ready to be spoken to.
"I was telling Mrs. Britling," said Mr. Direck, "what a very great privilege I esteem it to meet Mr. Britling in this highly familiar way."
"You've not met him before?"
"I
missed him by twenty-four hours when he came through
"I wish I'd been paid to travel round the world."
"You must write things like Mr. Britling and then Mr. Kahn will send you."
"Don't you think if I promised well?"
"You'd have to write some promissory notes, I think—just to convince him it was all right."
The young lady reflected on Mr. Britling's good fortune.
"He
saw
Mr. Direck had already begun on the liner to adapt himself to the hopping inconsecutiveness of English conversation. He made now what he felt was quite a good hop, and he dropped his voice to a confidential undertone. (It was probably Adam in his first conversation with Eve, who discovered the pleasantness of dropping into a confidential undertone beside a pretty ear with a pretty wave of hair above it.)
"It was in
"Coloured gentleman!" She gave a swift glance down
the table as though she expected to see something purple with yellow spots.
"Oh, that is one of Mr. Lawrence Carmine's young men!" she explained
even more confidentially and with an air of discussing the silver bowl of roses
before him. "He's a great authority on Indian literature, he belongs to a
society for making things pleasant for Indian students in
"And Mr. Lawrence Carmine?" he pursued.
Even more intimately and confidentially she indicated Mr. Carmine, as it seemed by a motion of her eyelash.
Mr. Direck prepared to be even more sotto-voce and to plumb a much profounder mystery. His eye rested on the perambulator; he leant a little nearer to the ear.... But the strawberries interrupted him.
"Strawberries!" said the young lady, and directed his regard to his left shoulder by a little movement of her head.
He found one of the boys with a high-piled plate ready to serve him.
And then Mrs. Britling resumed her conversation with him. She was so ignorant, she said, of things American, that she did not even know if they had strawberries there. At any rate, here they were at the crest of the season, and in a very good year. And in the rose season too. It was one of the dearest vanities of English people to think their apples and their roses and their strawberries the best in the world.
"And their complexions," said Mr. Direck, over the pyramid of fruit, quite manifestly intending a compliment. So that was all right.... But the girl on the left of him was speaking across the table to the German tutor, and did not hear what he had said. So that even if it wasn't very neat it didn't matter....
Then he remembered that she was like that old daguerreotype of a cousin of his grandmother's that he had fallen in love with when he was a boy. It was her smile. Of course! Of course!... And he'd sort of adored that portrait.... He felt a curious disposition to tell her as much....
"What
makes this visit even more interesting if possible to me," he said to Mrs.
Britling, "than it would otherwise be, is that this Essex country is the
country in which my maternal grandmother was raised, and also long way back my
mother's father's people. My mother's father's people were very early
"Corner?" said the young lady at his elbow sharply.
"I was telling Mrs. Britling I had some thought—"
"But
about those
"Well, of finding if they were still about in these parts.... Say! I haven't dropped a brick, have I?"
He looked from one face to another.
"She's a Corner," said Mrs. Britling.
"Well," said Mr. Direck, and hesitated for a moment. It was so delightful that one couldn't go on being just discreet. The atmosphere was free and friendly. His intonation disarmed offence. And he gave the young lady the full benefit of a quite expressive eye. "I'm very pleased to meet you, Cousin Corner. How are the old folks at home?"
The bright interest of this consulship helped Mr. Direck more than anything to get the better of his Robinson-anecdote crave, and when presently he found his dialogue with Mr. Britling resumed, he turned at once to this remarkable discovery of his long lost and indeed hitherto unsuspected relative. "It's an American sort of thing to do, I suppose," he said apologetically, "but I almost thought of going on, on Monday, to Market Saffron, which was the locality of the Hinkinsons, and just looking about at the tombstones in the churchyard for a day or so."
"Very probably," said Mr. Britling, "you'd find something about them in the parish registers. Lots of our registers go back three hundred years or more. I'll drive you over in my lil' old car."
"Oh! I wouldn't put you to that trouble," said Mr. Direck hastily.
"It's no trouble. I like the driving. What I have had of it. And while we're at it, we'll come back by Harborough High Oak and look up the Corner pedigree. They're all over that district still. And the road's not really difficult; it's only a bit up and down and roundabout."
"I couldn't think, Mr. Britling, of putting you to that much trouble."
"It's no trouble. I want a day off, and I'm dying to take Gladys——"
"Gladys?" said Mr. Direck with sudden hope.
"That's my name for the lil' car. I'm dying to take her for something like a decent run. I've only had her out four times altogether, and I've not got her up yet to forty miles. Which I'm told she ought to do easily. We'll consider that settled."
For
the moment Mr. Direck couldn't think of any further excuse. But it was very
clear in his mind that something must happen; he wished he knew of somebody who
could send a recall telegram from
"You'd hardly believe me," he said, "if I
told you that that Miss Corner of yours has a quite extraordinary resemblance
to a miniature I've got away there in
But Mr. Britling supplied no further information about Miss Corner.
"It
must be very interesting," he said, "to come
over here and pick up these American families of yours on the monuments and
tombstones. You know, of course, that district south of Evesham where every
other church monument bears the stars and stripes, the arms of departed
He
reflected. "Now if you went south of
It detracted a little from Mr. Direck's appreciation of this flow of information that it was taking them away from the rest of the company. He wanted to see more of his new-found cousin, and what the baby and the Bengali gentleman—whom manifestly one mustn't call "coloured"—and the large-nosed lady and all the other inexplicables would get up to. Instead of which Mr. Britling was leading him off alone with an air of showing him round the premises, and talking too rapidly and variously for a question to be got in edgeways, much less any broaching of the matter that Mr. Direck had come over to settle.
There
was quite a lot of rose garden, it made the air delicious, and it was full of
great tumbling bushes of roses and of neglected standards, and it had a long
pergola of creepers and trailers and a great arbour, and underneath over the
beds everywhere, contrary to all the rules, the blossom of a multitude of
pansies and stock and little trailing plants swarmed and crowded and scrimmaged
and drilled and fought great massed attacks. And then Mr. Britling talked their
way round a red-walled vegetable garden with an abundance
of fruit trees, and through a door into a terraced square that had once been a
farmyard, outside the converted barn. The barn doors had been replaced by a
door-pierced window of glass, and in the middle of the square space a deep tank
had been made, full of rainwater, in which Mr. Britling remarked casually that
"everybody" bathed when the weather was hot. Thyme and rosemary and
suchlike sweet-scented things grew on the terrace about
the tank, and ten trimmed little trees of Arbor vitae stood sentinel.
Mr. Direck was tantalisingly aware that beyond some lilac bushes were his new-found
cousin and the kindred young woman in blue playing tennis with the Indian and
another young man, while whenever it was necessary the large-nosed lady crossed
the stage and brooded soothingly over the perambulator. And Mr. Britling,
choosing a seat from which Mr. Direck just couldn't look comfortably through
the green branches at the flying glimpses of pink and blue and white and brown,
continued to talk about
Presently through a distant gate the two small boys were momentarily visible wheeling small but serviceable bicycles, followed after a little interval by the German tutor. Then an enormous grey cat came slowly across the garden court, and sat down to listen respectfully to Mr. Britling. The afternoon sky was an intense blue, with little puff-balls of cloud lined out across it.
Occasionally, from chance remarks of Mr. Britling's, Mr. Direck was led to infer that his first impressions as an American visitor were being related to his host, but as a matter of fact he was permitted to relate nothing; Mr. Britling did all the talking. He sat beside his guest and spirted and played ideas and reflections like a happy fountain in the sunshine.
Mr.
Direck sat comfortably, and smoked with quiet appreciation the one after-lunch
cigar he allowed himself. At any rate, if he himself felt rather word-bound,
the fountain was nimble and entertaining. He listened in a general sort of way
to the talk, it was quite impossible to follow it thoughtfully throughout all
its chinks and turnings, while his eyes wandered about the garden and went ever
and again to the flitting tennis-players beyond the green. It was all very gay
and comfortable and complete; it was various and delightful without being in
the least opulent; that was one of the little secrets
Mr. Britling's talk became like a wide stream flowing through Mr. Direck's mind, bearing along momentary impressions and observations, drifting memories of all the crowded English sights and sounds of the last five days, filmy imaginations about ancestral names and pretty cousins, scraps of those prepared conversational openings on Mr. Britling's standing in America, the explanation about the lecture club, the still incompletely forgotten purport of the Robinson anecdote....
"Nobody
planned the British estate system, nobody planned the British aristocratic
system, nobody planned the confounded constitution, it came about, it was like
layer after layer wrapping round an agate, but you see it came about so happily
in a way, it so suited the climate and the temperament of our people and our
island, it was on the whole so cosy, that our people settled down into it, you
can't help settling down into it, they had already settled down by the days of
Queen Anne, and Heaven knows if we shall ever really get away again. We're like
that little shell the Lingula, that is found in
the oldest rocks and lives to-day: it fitted its easy conditions, and it has
never modified since. Why should it? It excretes all its disturbing forces. Our
younger sons go away and found colonial empires. Our surplus cottage children
emigrate to
Mr. Direck's eye had come to rest upon the barn, and its expression changed slowly from lazy appreciation to a brightening intelligence. Suddenly he resolved to say something. He resolved to say it so firmly that he determined to say it even if Mr. Britling went on talking all the time.
"I suppose, Mr. Britling," he said, "this barn here dates from the days of Queen Anne."
"The walls of the yard here are probably earlier: probably monastic. That grey patch in the corner, for example. The barn itself is Georgian."
"And here it is still. And this farmyard, here it is still."
Mr. Britling was for flying off again, but Mr. Direck would not listen; he held on like a man who keeps his grip on a lasso.
"There's one thing I would like to remark about your barn, Mr. Britling, and I might, while I am at it, say the same thing about your farmyard."
Mr. Britling was held. "What's that?" he asked.
"Well," said Mr. Direck, "the point that strikes me most about all this is that that barn isn't a barn any longer, and that this farmyard isn't a farmyard. There isn't any wheat or chaff or anything of that sort in the barn, and there never will be again: there's just a pianola and a dancing floor, and if a cow came into this farmyard everybody in the place would be shooing it out again. They'd regard it as a most unnatural object."
He had a pleasant sense of talking at last. He kept right on. He was moved to a sweeping generalisation.
"You
were so good as to ask me, Mr. Britling, a little while ago, what my first
impression of
He was carried on even further. He made a tremendous literary epigram. "I thought," he said, "when I looked out of the train this morning that I had come to the England of Washington Irving. I find it is not even the England of Mrs. Humphry Ward."
Mr. Direck found little reason to revise his dictum in the subsequent experiences of the afternoon. Indeed the afternoon and the next day were steadily consistent in confirming what a very good dictum it had been. The scenery was the traditional scenery of England, and all the people seemed quicker, more irresponsible, more chaotic, than any one could have anticipated, and entirely inexplicable by any recognised code of English relationships....
"You think that John Bull is dead and a strange generation is wearing his clothes," said Mr. Britling. "I think you'll find very soon it's the old John Bull. Perhaps not Mrs. Humphry Ward's John Bull, or Mrs. Henry Wood's John Bull but true essentially to Shakespeare, Fielding, Dickens, Meredith...."
"I suppose," he added, "there are changes. There's a new generation grown up...."
He looked at his barn and the swimming pool. "It's a good point of yours about the barn," he said. "What you say reminds me of that very jolly thing of Kipling's about the old mill-wheel that began by grinding corn and ended by driving dynamos....
"Only I admit that barn doesn't exactly drive a dynamo....
"To be frank, it's just a pleasure barn....
"The country can afford it...."
He left it at that for the time, but throughout the afternoon Mr. Direck had the gratification of seeing his thought floating round and round in the back-waters of Mr. Britling's mental current. If it didn't itself get into the stream again its reflection at any rate appeared and reappeared. He was taken about with great assiduity throughout the afternoon, and he got no more than occasional glimpses of the rest of the Dower House circle until six o'clock in the evening.
Meanwhile the fountains of Mr. Britling's active and encyclopædic mind played steadily.
He
was inordinately proud of
Mr. Direck received this reason uncritically.
The village reminded Mr. Direck of Abbey's pictures. There was an inn with a sign standing out in the road, a painted sign of the Clavering Arms; it had a water trough (such as Mr. Weller senior ducked the dissenter in) and a green painted table outside its inviting door. There were also a general shop and a number of very pleasant cottages, each marked with the Mainstay crest. All this was grouped about a green with real geese drilling thereon. Mr. Britling conducted his visitor (through a lych gate) into the church-yard, and there they found mossy, tumble-down tombstones, one with a skull and cross-bones upon it, that went back to the later seventeenth century. In the aisle of the church were three huge hatchments, and there was a side chapel devoted to the Mainstay family and the Barons Homartyn, with a series of monuments that began with painted Tudor effigies and came down to a vast stained glass window of the vilest commercial Victorian. There were also mediæval brasses of parish priests, and a marble crusader and his lady of some extinguished family which had ruled Matching's Easy before the Mainstays came. And as the two gentlemen emerged from the church they ran against the perfect vicar, Mr. Dimple, ample and genial, with an embracing laugh and an enveloping voice. "Come to see the old country," he said to Mr. Direck. "So Good of you Americans to do that! So Good of you...."
There was some amiable sparring between the worthy man and Mr. Britling about bringing Mr. Direck to church on Sunday morning. "He's terribly Lax," said Mr. Dimple to Mr. Direck, smiling radiantly. "Terribly Lax. But then nowadays Everybody is so Lax. And he's very Good to my Coal Club; I don't know what we should do without him. So I just admonish him. And if he doesn't go to church, well, anyhow he doesn't go anywhere else. He may be a poor churchman, but anyhow he's not a dissenter...."
"In
For awhile Mr. Britling showed Mr. Direck English lanes, and then came back along narrow white paths across small fields of rising wheat, to the village and a little gate that led into the park.
"Well," said Mr. Direck, "what you say about domestication does seem to me to be very true indeed. Why! even those clouds up there look as though they had a shepherd and were grazing."
"Ready for shearing almost," said Mr. Britling.
"Indeed,"
said Mr. Direck, raising his voice a little, "I've seen scarcely anything
in
Mr. Britling seemed to reflect for a moment. "They're an excrescence," he said....
The park had a trim wildness like nature in an old Italian picture; dappled fallow deer grouped close at hand and looked at the two men fearlessly; the path dropped through oak trees and some stunted bracken to a little loitering stream, that paused ever and again to play at ponds and waterfalls and bear a fleet of water-lily leaves; and then their way curved round in an indolent sweep towards the cedars and shrubberies of the great house. The house looked low and extensive to an American eye, and its red-brick chimneys rose like infantry in open order along its extended line. There was a glimpse of flower-bright garden and terraces to the right as they came round the corner to the front of the house through a path cut in the laurel bushes.
Mr. Britling had a moment of exposition as they approached the entrance.
"I expect we shall find Philbert from the Home Office—or is it the Local Government Board?—and Sir Thomas Loot, the Treasury man. There may be some other people of that sort, the people we call the Governing Class. Wives also. And I rather fancy the Countess of Frensham is coming, she's strong on the Irish Question, and Lady Venetia Trumpington, who they say is a beauty—I've never seen her. It's Lady Homartyn's way to expect me to come in—not that I'm an important item at these week-end social feasts—but she likes to see me on the table—to be nibbled at if any one wants to do so—like the olives and the salted almonds. And she always asks me to lunch on Sunday and I always refuse—because of the hockey. So you see I put in an appearance on the Saturday afternoon...."
They had reached the big doorway.
It opened into a large cool hall adorned with the heads of hippopotami and rhinoceroses and a stuffed lion, and furnished chiefly with a vast table on which hats and sticks and newspapers were littered. A manservant with a subdued, semi-confidential manner, conveyed to Mr. Britling that her ladyship was on the terrace, and took the hats and sticks that were handed to him and led the way through the house. They emerged upon a broad terrace looking out under great cedar trees upon flower beds and stone urns and tennis lawns and yew hedges that dipped to give a view of distant hills. On the terrace were grouped perhaps a dozen people for the most part holding teacups, they sat in deck chairs and folding seats about a little table that bore the tea-things. Lady Homartyn came forward to welcome the newcomers.
Mr.
Direck was introduced as a travelling American gratified to see a typical
English country house, and Lady Homartyn in an
habituated way ran over the points of her Tudor specimen. Mr. Direck was not
accustomed to titled people, and was suddenly in doubt whether you called a
baroness "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship," so he wisely avoided
any form of address until he had a lead from Mr. Britling. Mr. Britling
presently called her "Lady Homartyn." She took
Mr. Direck and sat him down beside a lady whose name he didn't catch, but who
had had a lot to do with the British Embassy at Washington, and then she handed
Mr. Britling over to the Rt. Honble. George Philbert, who was anxious to
discuss certain points in the latest book of essays.
The conversation of the lady from
He
was a little disappointed to find that the servants didn't wear livery. In
American magazine pictures and in American cinematograph films of English
stories and in the houses of very rich Americans living in
He
was still only in the fragmentary stage of conversation when everything was
thrown into commotion by the important arrival of Lady Frensham, and there was
a general reshuffling of places. Lady Frensham had arrived from
"I lunched