INNOCENTS ABROAD by Mark Twain

This book is a record of a pleasure trip. If it were a record of a solemn scientific expedition, it would have about it that gravity, that profundity, and that impressive incomprehensibility which are so proper to works of that kind, and withal so attractive. Yet notwithstanding it is only a record of a pic-nic, it has a purpose, which is to suggest to the reader how he would be likely to see Europe and the East if he looked at them with his own eyes instead of the eyes of those who traveled in those countries before him. I make small pretense of showing anyone how he ought to look at objects of interest beyond the sea--other books do that, and therefore, even if I were competent to do it, there is no need.

I offer no apologies for any departures from the usual style of travel-writing that may be charged against me--for I think I have seen with impartial eyes, and I am sure I have written at least honestly, whether wisely or not.

In this volume I have used portions of letters which I wrote for the Daily Alta California, of San Francisco, the proprietors of that journal having waived their rights and given me the necessary permission. I have also inserted portions of several letters written for the New York Tribune and the New York Herald.

THE AUTHOR. SAN FRANCISCO.

CHAPTER I.

For months the great pleasure excursion to Europe and the Holy Land was chatted about in the newspapers everywhere in America and discussed at countless firesides. It was a novelty in the way of excursions--its like had not been thought of before, and it compelled that interest which attractive novelties always command. It was to be a picnic on a gigantic scale. The participants in it, instead of freighting an ungainly steam ferry--boat with youth and beauty and pies and doughnuts, and paddling up some obscure creek to disembark upon a grassy lawn and wear themselves out with a long summer day's laborious frolicking under the impression that it was fun, were to sail away in a great steamship with flags flying and cannon pealing, and take a royal holiday beyond the broad ocean in many a strange clime and in many a land renowned in history! They were to sail for months over the breezy Atlantic and the sunny Mediterranean; they were to scamper about the decks by day, filling the ship with shouts and laughter--or read novels and poetry in the shade of the smokestacks, or watch for the jelly-fish and the nautilus over the side, and the shark, the whale, and other strange monsters of the deep; and at night they were to dance in the open air, on the upper deck, in the midst of a ballroom that stretched from horizon to horizon, and was domed by the bending heavens and lighted by no meaner lamps than the stars and the magnificent moon--dance, and promenade, and smoke, and sing, and make love, and search the skies for constellations that never associate with the "Big Dipper" they were so tired of; and they were to see the ships of twenty navies--the customs and costumes of twenty curious peoples--the great cities of half a world--they were to hob-nob with nobility and hold friendly converse with kings and princes, grand moguls, and the anointed lords of mighty empires! It was a brave conception; it was the offspring of a most ingenious brain. It was well advertised, but it hardly needed it: the bold originality, the extraordinary character, the seductive nature, and the vastness of the enterprise provoked comment everywhere and advertised it in every household in the land. Who could read the program of the excursion without longing to make one of the party? I will insert it here. It is almost as good as a map. As a text for this book, nothing could be better:

EXCURSION TO THE HOLY LAND, EGYPT,

THE CRIMEA, GREECE, AND INTERMEDIATE POINTS OF INTEREST.

BROOKLYN, February 1st, 1867

The undersigned will make an excursion as above during the coming

season, and begs to submit to you the following programme:

A first-class steamer, to be under his own command, and capable of

accommodating at least one hundred and fifty cabin passengers, will

be selected, in which will be taken a select company, numbering not

more than three-fourths of the ship's capacity. There is good

reason to believe that this company can be easily made up in this

immediate vicinity, of mutual friends and acquaintances.

The steamer will be provided with every necessary comfort,

including library and musical instruments.

An experienced physician will be on board.

Leaving New York about June 1st, a middle and pleasant route will

be taken across the Atlantic, and passing through the group of

Azores, St. Michael will be reached in about ten days. A day or two

will be spent here, enjoying the fruit and wild scenery of these

islands, and the voyage continued, and Gibraltar reached in three or

four days.

A day or two will be spent here in looking over the wonderful

subterraneous fortifications, permission to visit these galleries

being readily obtained.

From Gibraltar, running along the coasts of Spain and France,

Marseilles will be reached in three days. Here ample time will be

given not only to look over the city, which was founded six hundred

years before the Christian era, and its artificial port, the finest

of the kind in the Mediterranean, but to visit Paris during the

Great Exhibition; and the beautiful city of Lyons, lying

intermediate, from the heights of which, on a clear day, Mont Blanc

and the Alps can be distinctly seen. Passengers who may wish to

extend the time at Paris can do so, and, passing down through

Switzerland, rejoin the steamer at Genoa.

From Marseilles to Genoa is a run of one night. The excursionists

will have an opportunity to look over this, the "magnificent city of

palaces," and visit the birthplace of Columbus, twelve miles off,

over a beautiful road built by Napoleon I. From this point,

excursions may be made to Milan, Lakes Como and Maggiore, or to

Milan, Verona (famous for its extraordinary fortifications), Padua,

and Venice. Or, if passengers desire to visit Parma (famous for

Correggio's frescoes) and Bologna, they can by rail go on to

Florence, and rejoin the steamer at Leghorn, thus spending about

three weeks amid the cities most famous for art in Italy.

From Genoa the run to Leghorn will be made along the coast in one

night, and time appropriated to this point in which to visit

Florence, its palaces and galleries; Pisa, its cathedral and

"Leaning Tower," and Lucca and its baths, and Roman amphitheater;

Florence, the most remote, being distant by rail about sixty miles.

From Leghorn to Naples (calling at Civita Vecchia to land any who

may prefer to go to Rome from that point), the distance will be made

in about thirty-six hours; the route will lay along the coast of

Italy, close by Caprera, Elba, and Corsica. Arrangements have been

made to take on board at Leghorn a pilot for Caprera, and, if

practicable, a call will be made there to visit the home of

Garibaldi.

Rome [by rail], Herculaneum, Pompeii, Vesuvius, Vergil's tomb, and

possibly the ruins of Paestum can be visited, as well as the

beautiful surroundings of Naples and its charming bay.

The next point of interest will be Palermo, the most beautiful

city of Sicily, which will be reached in one night from Naples. A

day will be spent here, and leaving in the evening, the course will

be taken towards Athens.

Skirting along the north coast of Sicily, passing through the

group of Aeolian Isles, in sight of Stromboli and Vulcania, both

active volcanoes, through the Straits of Messina, with "Scylla" on

the one hand and "Charybdis" on the other, along the east coast of

Sicily, and in sight of Mount Etna, along the south coast of Italy,

the west and south coast of Greece, in sight of ancient Crete, up

Athens Gulf, and into the Piraeus, Athens will be reached in two and

a half or three days. After tarrying here awhile, the Bay of

Salamis will be crossed, and a day given to Corinth, whence the

voyage will be continued to Constantinople, passing on the way

through the Grecian Archipelago, the Dardanelles, the Sea of

Marmora, and the mouth of the Golden Horn, and arriving in about

forty-eight hours from Athens.

After leaving Constantinople, the way will be taken out through

the beautiful Bosphorus, across the Black Sea to Sebastopol and

Balaklava, a run of about twenty-four hours. Here it is proposed to

remain two days, visiting the harbors, fortifications, and

battlefields of the Crimea; thence back through the Bosphorus,

touching at Constantinople to take in any who may have preferred to

remain there; down through the Sea of Marmora and the Dardanelles,

along the coasts of ancient Troy and Lydia in Asia, to Smyrna, which

will be reached in two or two and a half days from Constantinople.

A sufficient stay will be made here to give opportunity of visiting

Ephesus, fifty miles distant by rail.

From Smyrna towards the Holy Land the course will lay through the

Grecian Archipelago, close by the Isle of Patmos, along the coast

of Asia, ancient Pamphylia, and the Isle of Cyprus. Beirut will be

reached in three days. At Beirut time will be given to visit

Damascus; after which the steamer will proceed to Joppa.

From Joppa, Jerusalem, the River Jordan, the Sea of Tiberias,

Nazareth, Bethany, Bethlehem, and other points of interest in the

Holy Land can be visited, and here those who may have preferred to

make the journey from