LIFE
ON THE MISSISSIPPI
By
Mark Twain
CONTENTS:
THE
'BODY OF THE NATION' 4
Chapter
1 The River and Its History. 5
Chapter
2 The River and Its Explorers. 9
Chapter
3 Frescoes from the Past 13
Chapter
4 The Boys' Ambition. 25
Chapter
5 I Want to be a Cub-pilot 28
Chapter
6 A Cub-pilot's Experience. 31
Chapter
7 A Daring Deed. 37
Chapter
8 Perplexing Lessons. 42
Chapter
9 Continued Perplexities. 47
Chapter
10 Completing My Education. 52
Chapter
11 The River Rises. 57
Chapter
12 Sounding. 62
Chapter
13 A Pilot's Needs. 67
Chapter
14 Rank and Dignity of Piloting. 73
Chapter
15 The Pilots' Monopoly. 78
Chapter
16 Racing Days. 86
Chapter
17 Cut-offs and Stephen. 94
Chapter
18 I Take a Few Extra Lessons. 99
Chapter
19 Brown and I Exchange Compliments. 104
Chapter
20 A Catastrophe. 108
Chapter
21 A Section in My Biography. 112
Chapter
22 I Return to My Muttons. 113
Chapter
23 Traveling Incognito. 118
Chapter
24 My Incognito is Exploded. 120
Chapter
25 From Cairo to Hickman. 125
Chapter
26 Under Fire. 129
Chapter
27 Some Imported Articles. 133
Chapter
28 Uncle Mumford Unloads. 137
Chapter
29 A Few Specimen Bricks. 142
Chapter
30 Sketches by the Way. 148
Chapter
31 A Thumb-print and What Came of It 153
Chapter
32 The Disposal of a Bonanza. 163
Chapter
33 Refreshments and Ethics. 167
Chapter
34 Tough Yarns. 170
Chapter
35 Vicksburg During the Trouble. 172
Chapter
36 The Professor's Yarn. 177
Chapter
37 The End of the 'Gold Dust' 182
Chapter
38 The House Beautiful 183
Chapter
39 Manufactures and Miscreants. 187
Chapter
40 Castles and Culture. 191
Chapter
41 The Metropolis of the South. 195
Chapter
42 Hygiene and Sentiment 198
Chapter
43 The Art of Inhumation. 201
Chapter
44 City Sights. 204
Chapter
45 Southern Sports. 208
Chapter
46 Enchantments and Enchanters. 213
Chapter
47 Uncle Remus and Mr. Cable. 216
Chapter
48 Sugar and Postage. 218
Chapter
49 Episodes in Pilot Life. 223
Chapter
50 The 'Original Jacobs' 227
Chapter
51 Reminiscences. 231
Chapter
52 A Burning Brand. 236
Chapter
53 My Boyhood's Home. 244
Chapter
54 Past and Present 248
Chapter
55 A Vendetta and Other Things. 253
Chapter
56 A Question of Law.. 257
Chapter
57 An Archangel 262
Chapter
58 On the Upper River 266
Chapter
59 Legends and Scenery. 270
Chapter
60 Speculations and Conclusions. 275
APPENDIX
A VOYAGE OF THE TIMES-DEMOCRAT'S RELIEF BOAT THROUGH THE INUNDATED REGIONS. 280
APPENDIX
B THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER COMMISSION.. 287
APPENDIX
C RECEPTION OF CAPTAIN BASIL HALL'S BOOK IN THE UNITED STATES 290
APPENDIX
D THE UNDYING HEAD.. 293
BUT the basin of the Mississippi
is the BODY OF THE NATION. All the other parts are but members, important in
themselves, yet more important in their relations to this. Exclusive of the Lake basin and of 300,000 square
miles in Texas and New Mexico, which in many aspects form a
part of it, this basin contains about 1,250,000 square miles. In extent it is the second great valley of
the world, being exceeded only by that of the Amazon. The valley of the frozen Obi
approaches it in extent; that of La Plata comes next in space, and probably in
habitable capacity, having about eight-ninths of its area; then comes that of
the Yenisei, with about seven-ninths; the Lena, Amoor, Hoang-ho,
Yang-tse-kiang, and Nile, five-ninths; the Ganges, less than one-half; the
Indus, less than one-third; the Euphrates, one-fifth; the Rhine, one-fifteenth.
It exceeds in extent the whole of Europe, exclusive of Russia, Norway,
and Sweden.
IT WOULD CONTAIN AUSTRIA
FOUR TIMES, GERMANY OR SPAIN FIVE TIMES, FRANCE
SIX TIMES, THE BRITISH ISLANDS OR ITALY TEN TIMES. Conceptions formed
from the river-basins of Western Europe are rudely shocked when we consider the
extent of the valley of the Mississippi; nor
are those formed from the sterile basins of the great rivers of Siberia, the
lofty plateaus of Central Asia, or the mighty
sweep of the swampy Amazon more adequate. Latitude, elevation, and rainfall all
combine to render every part of the Mississippi
Valley capable of
supporting a dense population. AS A DWELLING-PLACE FOR CIVILIZED MAN IT IS BY
FAR THE FIRST UPON OUR GLOBE.
EDITOR'S TABLE, HARPER'S MAGAZINE, FEBRUARY 1863
THE Mississippi
is well worth reading about. It is not a
commonplace river, but on the contrary is in all ways remarkable. Considering
the Missouri
its main branch, it is the longest river in the world--four thousand three
hundred miles. It seems safe to say that it is also the crookedest river in the
world, since in one part of its journey it uses up one thousand three hundred
miles to cover the same ground that the crow would fly over in six hundred and
seventy-five. It discharges three times as much water as the St. Lawrence,
twenty-five times as much as the Rhine, and three hundred and thirty-eight
times as much as the Thames. No other river
has so vast a drainage-basin: it draws
its water supply from twenty-eight States and Territories; from Delaware, on the Atlantic seaboard, and from all the
country between that and Idaho
on the Pacific slope--a spread of forty-five degrees of longitude. The Mississippi receives and
carries to the Gulf water from fifty-four subordinate rivers that are navigable
by steamboats, and from some hundreds that are navigable by flats and keels.
The area of its drainage-basin is as great as the combined areas of England,
Wales, Scotland, Ireland, France, Spain, Portugal, Germany, Austria, Italy, and
Turkey; and almost all this wide region is fertile; the Mississippi valley,
proper, is exceptionally so.
It is a remarkable river in this: that instead of widening toward its mouth, it
grows narrower; grows narrower and deeper.
From the junction of the Ohio
to a point half way down to the sea, the width averages a mile in high water:
thence to the sea the width steadily diminishes, until, at the 'Passes,' above
the mouth, it is but little over half a mile.
At the junction of the Ohio the Mississippi's depth is
eighty-seven feet; the depth increases gradually, reaching one hundred and
twenty-nine just above the mouth.
The difference in rise and fall is also remarkable--not in
the upper, but in the lower river. The
rise is tolerably uniform down to Natchez
(three hundred and sixty miles above the mouth)--about fifty feet. But at Bayou
La Fourche the river rises only twenty-four feet; at New Orleans only fifteen, and just above the
mouth only two and one half.
An article in the New Orleans 'Times-Democrat,' based upon
reports of able engineers, states that the river annually empties four hundred
and six million tons of mud into the Gulf of Mexico--which brings to mind
Captain Marryat's rude name for the Mississippi--'the Great Sewer.' This mud,
solidified, would make a mass a mile square and two hundred and forty-one feet
high.
The mud deposit gradually extends the land--but only
gradually; it has extended it not quite a third of a mile in the two hundred
years which have elapsed since the river took its place in history. The belief
of the scientific people is, that the mouth used to be at Baton Rouge, where the hills cease, and that
the two hundred miles of land between there and the Gulf was built by the
river. This gives us the age of that piece of country, without any trouble at
all--one hundred and twenty thousand years. Yet it is much the youthfullest
batch of country that lies around there anywhere.
The Mississippi
is remarkable in still another way--its disposition to make prodigious jumps by
cutting through narrow necks of land, and thus straightening and shortening
itself. More than once it has shortened itself thirty miles at a single
jump! These cut-offs have had curious
effects: they have thrown several river towns out into the rural districts, and
built up sand bars and forests in front of them. The town of Delta
used to be three miles below Vicksburg: a recent
cutoff has radically changed the position, and Delta is now TWO MILES ABOVE Vicksburg.
Both of these river towns have been retired to the country
by that cut-off. A cut-off plays havoc with boundary lines and jurisdictions:
for instance, a man is living in the State of Mississippi to-day, a cut-off
occurs to-night, and to-morrow the man finds himself and his land over on the
other side of the river, within the boundaries and subject to the laws of the
State of Louisiana! Such a thing, happening in the upper river in the old
times, could have transferred a slave from Missouri
to Illinois
and made a free man of him.
The Mississippi
does not alter its locality by cut-offs alone: it is always changing its
habitat BODILY--is always moving bodily SIDEWISE. At Hard Times, La., the river is two
miles west of the region it used to occupy.
As a result, the original SITE of that settlement is not now in Louisiana at all, but on the other side of the river, in
the State of Mississippi. NEARLY THE WHOLE OF THAT ONE THOUSAND THREE
HUNDRED MILES OF OLD MISSISSIPPI RIVER WHICH LA SALLE
FLOATED DOWN IN HIS CANOES, TWO HUNDRED YEARS AGO, IS GOOD SOLID DRY GROUND
NOW. The river lies to the right of it, in places, and to the left of it in
other places.
Although the Mississippi's
mud builds land but slowly, down at the mouth, where the Gulfs billows
interfere with its work, it builds fast enough in better protected regions
higher up: for instance, Prophet's Island
contained one thousand five hundred acres of land thirty years ago; since then
the river has added seven hundred acres to it.
But enough of these examples of the mighty stream's
eccentricities for the present--I will give a few more of them further along in
the book.
Let us drop the Mississippi's
physical history, and say a word about its historical history--so to
speak. We can glance briefly at its
slumbrous first epoch in a couple of short chapters; at its second and
wider-awake epoch in a couple more; at its flushest and widest-awake epoch in a
good many succeeding chapters; and then talk about its comparatively tranquil
present epoch in what shall be left of the book.
The world and the books are so accustomed to use, and
over-use, the word 'new' in connection with our country, that we early get and
permanently retain the impression that there is nothing old about it. We do of
course know that there are several comparatively old dates in American history,
but the mere figures convey to our minds no just idea, no distinct realization,
of the stretch of time which they represent. To say that De Soto, the first
white man who ever saw the Mississippi River, saw it in 1542, is a remark which
states a fact without interpreting it: it is something like giving the
dimensions of a sunset by astronomical measurements, and cataloguing the colors
by their scientific names;--as a result, you get the bald fact of the sunset,
but you don't see the sunset. It would have been better to paint a picture of
it.
The date 1542, standing by itself, means little or nothing
to us; but when one groups a few neighboring historical dates and facts around
it, he adds perspective and color, and then realizes that this is one of the
American dates which is quite respectable for age.
For instance, when the Mississippi was first seen by a white
man, less than a quarter of a century had elapsed since Francis I.'s defeat at
Pavia; the death of Raphael; the death of Bayard, SANS PEUR ET SANS REPROCHE;
the driving out of the Knights-Hospitallers from Rhodes by the Turks; and the
placarding of the Ninety-Five Propositions,--the act which began the
Reformation. When De Soto took his glimpse of the river,
Ignatius Loyola was an obscure name; the order of the Jesuits was not yet a
year old; Michael Angelo's paint was not yet dry on the Last Judgment in the
Sistine Chapel; Mary Queen of Scots was not yet born, but would be before the
year closed. Catherine de Medici was a
child; Elizabeth of England was not yet in her teens; Calvin, Benvenuto
Cellini, and the Emperor Charles V. were at the top of their fame, and each was
manufacturing history after his own peculiar fashion; Margaret of Navarre was
writing the 'Heptameron' and some religious books,--the first survives, the
others are forgotten, wit and indelicacy being sometimes better literature preservers
than holiness; lax court morals and the absurd chivalry business were in full
feather, and the joust and the tournament were the frequent pastime of titled
fine gentlemen who could fight better than they could spell, while religion was
the passion of their ladies, and classifying their offspring into children of
full rank and children by brevet their pastime. In fact, all around, religion
was in a peculiarly blooming condition: the Council of Trent was being called;
the Spanish Inquisition was roasting, and racking, and burning, with a free
hand; elsewhere on the continent the nations were being persuaded to holy
living by the sword and fire; in England, Henry VIII. had suppressed
the monasteries, burnt Fisher and another bishop or two, and was getting his
English reformation and his harem effectively started. When De Soto stood on the banks of the
Mississippi, it was still two years before Luther's death; eleven years before
the burning of Servetus; thirty years before the St. Bartholomew slaughter; Rabelais
was not yet published; 'Don Quixote' was not yet written; Shakespeare was not
yet born; a hundred long years must still elapse before Englishmen would hear
the name of Oliver Cromwell.
Unquestionably the discovery of the Mississippi is a datable fact which
considerably mellows and modifies the shiny newness of our country, and gives
her a most respectable outside-aspect of rustiness and antiquity.
De Soto
merely glimpsed the river, then died and was buried in it by his priests and
soldiers. One would expect the priests
and the soldiers to multiply the river's dimensions by ten--the Spanish custom
of the day--and thus move other adventurers to go at once and explore it. On the contrary, their narratives when they
reached home, did not excite that amount of curiosity. The Mississippi was left unvisited by whites
during a term of years which seems incredible in our energetic days. One may
'sense' the interval to his mind, after a fashion, by dividing it up in this
way: After De Soto glimpsed the river, a
fraction short of a quarter of a century elapsed, and then Shakespeare was
born; lived a trifle more than half a century, then died; and when he had been
in his grave considerably more than half a century, the SECOND white man saw
the Mississippi. In our day we don't allow a hundred and thirty years to elapse
between glimpses of a marvel. If
somebody should discover a creek in the county next to the one that the North
Pole is in, Europe and America
would start fifteen costly expeditions thither: one to explore the creek, and
the other fourteen to hunt for each other.
For more than a hundred and fifty years there had been white
settlements on our Atlantic coasts.
These people were in intimate communication with the Indians: in the south the Spaniards were robbing,
slaughtering, enslaving and converting them; higher up, the English were
trading beads and blankets to them for a consideration, and throwing in
civilization and whiskey, 'for lagniappe;' and in Canada the French were
schooling them in a rudimentary way, missionarying among them, and drawing
whole populations of them at a time to Quebec, and later to Montreal, to buy
furs of them. Necessarily, then, these
various clusters of whites must have heard of the great river of the far west;
and indeed, they did hear of it vaguely,--so vaguely and indefinitely, that its
course, proportions, and locality were hardly even guessable. The mere
mysteriousness of the matter ought to have fired curiosity and compelled
exploration; but this did not occur. Apparently nobody happened to want such a
river, nobody needed it, nobody was curious about it; so, for a century and a
half the Mississippi
remained out of the market and undisturbed. When De Soto found it, he was not hunting for a
river, and had no present occasion for one; consequently he did not value it or
even take any particular notice of it.
But at last La Salle the
Frenchman conceived the idea of seeking out that river and exploring it. It always happens that when a man seizes upon
a neglected and important idea, people inflamed with the same notion crop up
all around. It happened so in this instance.
Naturally the question suggests itself, Why did these people
want the river now when nobody